know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
