so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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