ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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