I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
