Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
