i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
