We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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