woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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