So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
