why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Two words: blizzard sex
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
