During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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