I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
