he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
