I think my vagina is haunted
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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