He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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