You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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