There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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