If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
