no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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