Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
