I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
