dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
