Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
