She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
