we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
