my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
