my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
did you just send me my own nude
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
