I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
