I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
