Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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