Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
