I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
