toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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