There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
