This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
