I must be too annoying 4 u.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
