Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
