When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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