He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
