You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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