Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
