I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
