so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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