I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
