I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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