I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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