i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
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Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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