I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
