I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
