Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
