Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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