idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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