I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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