My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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