It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
