the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
