Blood and glitter go together right?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
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Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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