So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
