By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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