Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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