if you like me you must not know who I am
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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