sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize