Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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