This is not my ceiling
My hand turned me down
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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