please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
