There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
