Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
