ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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