he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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