I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
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Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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